Grandpa Fagan

1.10.13

Dear Lucas,

May you cherish the wonderful memories of your favorite Grandpa and Buddy. This morning, we spent some time at the Auburn YMCA swimming pool. We have met some new friends from preschool, Brogan and Ryker who invited us. While getting ready to come home, we heard my phone ringing from the locker in the bathroom. I answered what the caller ID showed as "Grandpa" calling. I expected Grandpa to be on the other end of the phone asking for me to pick up some meat for dinner or wondering if we would be home in time for lunch. Instead, it was a medical examiner explaining to me that there had been a family emergency. I asked him for more information, but because he wouldn't tell me any more than to "drive safely", I knew that my Dad - your Grandpa had passed away. I was reluctant to say anything to you yet because I didn't know for sure. In a panic, I drove home - the entire way reminding you of the plan of salvation and told you how much I love you. You then asked, "Is Grandpa Died?" 

We walked in the door of the house to find Grandma in tears. She sobbed, knowing that she would have to wait until the next life time to again hug her husband. I held her. She held me. You watched. In wonder. I'm sorry if you were afraid. I met you in the kitchen I got down on my knees and looked you in the eye. Your little lip quivered at the terrible thought of someone being... "died". I told you that your Grandpa loves you very much and he is really going to miss you. You then responded with, " I know my Grandpa isn't dead. He's alive in heaven. I will see him again someday." I marvel at your strength and am uplifted by your child-like faith. Thank you for understanding SO well the plan of salvation. 

You were so close to your Grandpa. I am afraid that you will forget your fondest memories, so as quickly as my fingers can type, I will record them for you to look back at, in fear that I too will forget. 

Your "Papa" started tending you in 2008. You were just a few months old when he would insist that I leave the house to get a break. He was so kind and loving to you. There were times when I thought, "How could he possibly remember how to change a diaper or make a bottle when it has been 25+ years since he has had a baby of his own!?" He managed just fine, though there was a time or two when I would come home to find you with no pants or a backwards diaper. He loved to rock you and rub your feet. He was one of the first people to prop you up in a sitting position so you could "see the world". I was a new Mom and he always encouraged me to let you do what us big people do. "Stop rocking him, you're going to spoil him," he would say. It was not long at all before I started working more and he, more than willingly tended you. I knew it was only a matter of time before you became part of his regular marina trips. He was so proud to show you off to his other Grandpa friends. You tagged along everywhere, including stops at Circle K if you were a good boy to get a "tids pop" as you would call it. Grandpa never liked to waste food and I remember him being frustrated that you wouldn't finish your $2.99 Jack in the Box breakfast. I would have to remind him that you were still a small boy and that meal he was trying to force down you was adult size. He was proud to call you his little buddy and found such joy in watching you grow and learn. One of your favorite things to do was help your Grandpa in the yard. You LOVED to be outside. He would grab the weed-eater and you would grab your pretend lawn mower and follow his every move through that yard. You loved to use the leaf blower with him and enjoyed helping him plant and take care of the garden. You helped him clean his boat. You made regular trips to the dump with him to see the giant tractors. You were always such a big help to him when he had a hard time going upstairs to turn on his air. You were right there, ready to help whenever he needed it. You would even go out to get him a squirt (pop) to drink and would tip-toe into the kitchen for a cup. After the cupboard door closed, I would hear Grandpa say, "Lucas, you are going to get us both in trouble!" He would pour you a cup and you would then show me what a good job you were doing at "sharing!" You guys got in lots of trouble together. Always sneaking around behind my back. The truth is, I knew it was going on -  I was just so glad you had him to be mischievous with. 

I hope you treasure these memories along with some of your own for a lifetime. You will always have a Grandpa in heaven rooting you along, watching you as you make right choices and beaming at your successes through life. I know he is proud of you and that he CAN'T WAIT to see you again. 

I love you so much, Lucas. Know that there is a life after this. Know that we can be a forever family. Know that your Heavenly Father has a plan for us all. Know that I love you.

hugs & kisses,

"mommy"